i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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