There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
