so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
