Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
