So gin and wine won't be happening again
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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