the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
