What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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