im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
