there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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