He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
