if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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