Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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