need another drink. this is the easiest way
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
