Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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