You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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