if you like me you must not know who I am
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
