Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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