Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
