just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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