you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
