Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
