Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
