When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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