Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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