Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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