i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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