I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
