So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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