I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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