He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
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