Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
