Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
