i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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