I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
