I am in a vortex of obligation.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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