I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I am available for nakedness
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