I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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