Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
