it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
