My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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