did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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