it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Randomize
