im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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