Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
