my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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