I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
