You're a womanizer and a bitch.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
