Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
