also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
