Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
