i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Blood and glitter go together right?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
