you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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