Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he was CRYING into my vagina
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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